Personal Statement
Wash your right hand then your left hand, three times each. Next splash some water on your face, making sure to rinse out your mouth and nose. Wash each arm carefully up to the elbow, and now pat your hair with water. We’re not done yet – don’t forget to wet your feet before drying off. This ritual ablution, second nature to me after years and years of performing it prior to my daily prayers, suddenly drifted across my mind during my surgical scrub training. The methodical, careful cleansing that was being explained before me felt nostalgically familiar. Start by scrubbing under your nails. Now wash each finger, paying special attention to the space in between each. Work your way up your arms, all the way up to the elbows, making sure not to let any water drip backwards onto your hands. With each motion clear your mind of all other worries and focus on the singular task in front of you; perform your subsequent actions with intent and complete conviction.
I was scrubbing into my very first neurosurgical case, a craniotomy for resection of an arteriovenous malformation. The expected steps and relevant neuroanatomy were running through my mind, but everything that I had meticulously studied beforehand faded away as the scene unfolded before me. I observed as the scalp was cut, bleeders coagulated, periosteum scraped away, skull trephinated, bone flap removed, and slowly, carefully, the dura incised and peeled back. There it was – the brain – alive, beating, pulsing, glimmering under the OR lights – it was a near spiritual experience.
The last time I had seen a human brain was in a philosophy course, strangely enough. The premise of the class was to explore the mind-body relationship, from Descartes’ staunch separation of the two to the more modern theories of monism. The brain, fixed in formalin before us, stood firmly in the center of this debate – somehow the essence of who we are is encapsulated in the structure. These philosophical musings are what initially encouraged me to pursue neuroscience in my undergraduate career, however, my penchant for the surgical aspect wasn’t awakened until my first year anatomy course. During lab sessions, I found myself enjoying the corporeal side of medicine and getting to truly know the body we were attempting to treat. As the years progressed, I participated in various journal clubs and academic conferences and suture labs and research projects, and my curiosity inevitably shifted from the theoretical neurosciences to the more physical field of neurosurgery.
I am attracted to the ability to diagnose, manage, and surgically intervene to treat a patient’s neurological problems, and I’m drawn to the responsibility that comes with being so intimately involved with a patient's brain. The technical operative skill that I witnessed throughout my rotations was undoubtedly impressive, but I was equally captivated by the characteristics my mentors possessed outside of the OR. The relationship between neurosurgeon and patient is one of the most intense in medicine and must be dealt with delicately. I watched as patients vulnerably placed their complete and implicit trust into their neurosurgeon’s hands; the various qualms and deepest fears they voiced were artfully responded to with the utmost compassion.
I possess those things that cannot be taught, those things that make a great neurosurgeon stand out from the good – empathy, loyalty, an unquenchable thirst for knowledge along with the need to always better oneself. These qualities will serve me well in my future career and at your residency program, should I have the privilege of attending. I am looking for a program that not only provides excellent clinical training and is active academically, but one that also has an environment of collaborative camaraderie amongst residents and strong support from faculty that will cultivate my growth as a surgeon and as a physician. During my training at your program over the next seven years, whether it is the operating room or the prayer room that I am walking into, the ritual cleansing beforehand will inexorably be linked in my mind – both a constant reminder of the value and reward of tirelessly striving to treat the illnesses that compromise the core of our very being.
- Nabiha Quadri, 2018